Stop an argument dead in its tracks: “Let’s fight about it”
April 25, 2008 ·
Arguments can be seductive. What begins as a minor squabble escalates as each person temporarily loses their senses, forgetting that winning a squabble is rarely a success at all.
In the heat of the moment during interpersonal conflict, the gap between what you know and what you do becomes the damn Grand Canyon.
What if you have a simple, surefire phrase that either of you could offer up, right as you teeter on the brink? Something that would stop the argument before you go over the edge?
David at LivSimpl suggests “Let’s fight about it.” He writes,
I know it seems odd but I’ve heard people around me say “let’s fight about it” and it almost immediately diffuses the situation. It puts the what you’re “talking” about in perspective. Is it worth fighting about? Most of the time when you stop and think about it, it seems a bit silly.
I’m drawn to David’s show-stopping phrase because it’s the flip of what you might expect: Let’s not fight about it. Let’s not fight about it is a tamping-down statement, a plea to let it go or ignore the disagreement. It has its place, no doubt. Yet Let’s fight about it does something refreshingly different:
It reminds us where we’re headed and helps us make a choice.
Do you have a conflict show-stopper? Please do share,
Tammy, this stopped me in blog reader tracks. Phew, what a good one.
My wise man husband likes to ask: “Do you want to be married, or do you want to be right?” For some reason, that statement always makes me laugh. At myself.
Hi, Lisa! Your husband’s phrase made me laugh out loud. Cuts straight to the chase and yet very funny at the same time. I love it!
Hope all is well with you.
First, I really like your blog.
Second, I really like the suggestion: “Let’s fight about it.” It kind of makes you laugh and diffuses the situation.
It takes 2 to make a fight, and if one person doesn’t fight, then there’s no fight, right?
Sometimes I’ll say, “You know, you’re right about that. You have a point there.” And that pretty much ends things.
Mark - Creative Journey Cafes last blog post..If You Build It, They Will Come
Hello, Mark, and welcome to the Conflict Zen blog. I appreciate your visit and taking the time to comment. Plus, now I’ve found your blog and know I’m going to have a good time looking through the good stuff there.
Your point about “Let’s fight about it” invoking laughter is right on the money. The first time I used in a small tiff with my husband, he opened his mouth, closed it, then barked in laughter. Of course then I did too. Talk about diffusing something before it gets messy!
I like your suggested phrase, too. Your comment diffuses not only because you’re telling the other person they have a point, but also because it shows them you’re really listening!
Cheers,
Tammy
Tammy,
I just realized you’d linked to my site (sorry it took so long). Thanks so much for the link! I’m flattered that you found my post quote-worthy.
- David
David, so many people have loved this post and emailed and commented here to tell me. They love your idea and a couple of emailed to tell me how well it worked when they tried it. Thank you!