Conflict coaches and professional mediators like me help people unclutter and untangle conflicts. We know how to step into the puzzle with you and figure out what pieces go where. With the right thoughts, you can do it for yourself, too.

Here are 20 ways to move yourself toward the simple, uncluttered thoughts that will unlock complexity. But don’t read them all now.

Bookmark this list and come back to it as a reference for those times you’re stuck in a conflict situation and need a little guidance and inspiration. [Read more...]

This is the third in a mini-series about gaining clarity during a conflict and asking yourself the kinds of questions that shine new light on the problem (links to the earlier two posts are at the foot of this one).

The first two questions I offered were, What is this really about for me? and What do I need them most to understand? The third questions turns the second on its head:

Clarity Question 3: What do I need to understand about or learn from them?

In disagreements at home and work, most people spend the bulk of their energy [Read more...]

Effective conflict resolution is as much — and probably more — about attitude than it is about action.

Bring the right frame of mind or attitude to your disagreements and you almost can’t help doing and saying more effective things. Bring a problematic attitude, and all the tools and techniques in the world will only get you so far.

Last week, while facilitating a retreat, one member of the group I was working with made this really smart observation: [Read more...]

The pursuit of conflict zen is, in part, the pursuit of clarity. Clarity about the conflict, what most needs to be discussed to unlock and untangle it, and what it’s most about for you.

In 3 Eye-Opening Questions for Conflict Clarity: Question 1, I offered up the reflective question, What is this really about for me? and some strategies for answering that question.

Clarity Question 2: What do I need them most to understand?

This question has the greatest potential for insight if you answer what’s often the hidden second portion of your reply. First-blush answers, for instance, might be: [Read more...]

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a post, What is conflict zen? and promised I’d flesh out the most important characteristics of conflict zen.

One of those characteristics is clarity…what it’s really about and what most needs to be discussed to clear the air and get back on track. I want to offer up three eye-opening questions that can unlock even the most complicated conflicts and I’ll focus on one each in a short series of posts.

Clarity Question 1. What is this really about for me?

It may be tempting to answer this one quickly, making it all about them. Don’t do it! Examples of throw-away, trap-ridden answers in workplace conflict include, [Read more...]