Conflict coaches and professional mediators like me help people unclutter and untangle conflicts. We know how to step into the puzzle with you and figure out what pieces go where. With the right thoughts, you can do it for yourself, too.
Here are 20 ways to move yourself toward the simple, uncluttered thoughts that will unlock [...]

Runaway stories and effective interpersonal conflict resolution are like oil and water.
Runaway stories are the experience of telling yourself a tall tale about the person you’re in conflict with. You catastrophize the situation, or project your own stuff onto them, or amplify their less commendable traits in the story you tell yourself. And the more [...]

In computer science, garbage in, garbage out (or GIGO) refers to the notion that faulty input yields erroneous output.
GIGO is true in conflict and resolution, too. For instance:
Garbage in: Diagnosis of their personality flaws or psychological condition (e.g., they’re just rude, passive-aggressive, manipulative, etc.).
Garbage out: Argument focuses on what’s wrong with them and how to [...]

This is the third in a mini-series about gaining clarity during a conflict and asking yourself the kinds of questions that shine new light on the problem (links to the earlier two posts are at the foot of this one).
The first two questions I offered were, What is this really about for me? and What [...]

Effective conflict resolution is as much — and probably more — about attitude than it is about action.
Bring the right frame of mind or attitude to your disagreements and you almost can’t help doing and saying more effective things. Bring a problematic attitude, and all the tools and techniques in the world will only get [...]

Conflict Zen has been chosen to join the 9rules blog network and the site now sports the the 9rules leaf logo (click through to check it out if you’re reading this in RSS or email).
I first discovered 9rules because a number of blogs I love are members. Then, when I read the 9 rules that [...]

The pursuit of conflict zen is, in part, the pursuit of clarity. Clarity about the conflict, what most needs to be discussed to unlock and untangle it, and what it’s most about for you.
In 3 Eye-Opening Questions for Conflict Clarity: Question 1, I offered up the reflective question, What is this really about for me? [...]