Mind like water for everyday conflict resolution

“Imagine throwing a pebble into a still pond. How does the water respond? The answer is, totally appropriately to the force and mass of the input; then it returns to calm. It doesn’t overreact or underreact…Anything that causes you to overreact or underreact can control you, and often does.”
– David Allen, Getting Things Done

Mizu no kokoro

Mizu no kokoro is “mind like water” in Japanese and a phrase found frequently in Zen literature. It refers to a state of mind that mirrors water’s flowing, reflective, and adaptive capacities.

As water flows, so too does a centered mind allow thoughts to flow without the restrictions or clogs of “stuck thoughts.” As calm water reflects, so too does a centered mind see clearly. [Read more]

Interpersonal conflict zen and kindness to yourself

Interpersonal conflict resolution can be tricky. Changing your own behaviors in reaction to conflict is no less so.

Changing your interpersonal conflict behavior is a form of learning…you’re finding and learning new habits to replace ones that aren’t as effective for you.

In one of my favorite books, The Art of Possibility, author and world renowned philharmonic conductor Ben Zander tells this story about his own learning:

“…I am reminded of a dispiriting moment in a cello lesson with my teacher, Mr. Herbert Withers. He was eighty-three years old, and I was eleven. I had to tried to play a passage, but I couldn’t make it work. I tried again, and it didn’t work, and a third time, and I was no more successful. I remember making a frustrated grimace and putting down my bow. The elderly Mr. Withers leaned over me and whispered, What? You’ve been practicing it for three minutes, and you still can’t play it?“

[Read more]

A stroke of insight with Jill Bolte Taylor

One morning, brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor realized she was in the midst of a massive stroke. As she began to slip away, losing her movement, speech and cognition, she had what she now calls “a stroke of insight” about how we live our lives.

Her stroke marked a functional loss from which it took her eight years to fully recover. It also marked an unleashing of creativity that continues to drive her today.

In this TED video, Jill Bolte Taylor will make you laugh and cry as she shares her central message: [Read more]

Zen and the art of dealing with insults

This traditional Zen story is called The Gift of Insults.

There was once an old man known for being able to defeat any challenger. His reputation extended throughout the land and many gathered to study under him.

One day a young warrior arrived at the old man’s village. He was determined to be the first to defeat the great master, since he had both strength and the ability to notice and exploit an opponent’s weakness.

The old master gladly accepted the young warrior’s challenge. As the two faced one another, the young warrior began to hurl insults at the old master. [Read more]

Behavior change and the holes in your sidewalk

Autobiography in Five Chapters
by Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost…I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street. [Read more]

The polar bear and the husky

The setting is Manitoba, Canada. The photographer is renowned wildlife photographer Norbert Rosling. The central characters are a husky sled dog and a wild polar bear, who approaches the chained husky from the tundra. Their exchange extended for more than twenty minutes.

As you watch, consider this: When someone with whom you’re experiencing tension approaches you, what do you signal, consciously or otherwise? [Read more]

How to fold an origami crane

A number of readers have asked me to post instructions for folding an origami crane.

The first origami crane I’d ever seen was given to me by a dear college friend, Maura. Maura had survived two rounds of childhood cancer and had begun folding cranes after learning Sadako Sasaki’s story of cancer and cranes.

I still have the crane Maura gave me, worn and smudged, now tucked away to preserve it. Maura died a few years after we graduated, [Read more]