Conflict zen and the overflowing teacup

When I packed my bags for college, my big sister gave me a book to put in my suitcase. It was beautifully bound and just the right size in my hands.

It was just the right size for my mind, too. I carry the book with me still, two decades later. The very first story in Zen Flesh, Zen Bones has received me as a visitor more times than I can count: [Read more]

Evolution of a conflict resolution blog

In northern New England, my home, February is the last cold gasp of winter before spring’s month heralds renewal. It’s no wonder that every February finds my thoughts circling around direction and renewal of my own. This February is no different, but the result is.

The blog at Lenski.com will be no more.

In its place is a new site and a new direction, for both my writing and my conflict resolution work: ConflictZen.com.

A decade in to my private conflict resolution practice, I find myself with a healthy business that gives me the financial latitude to change what I’m doing in order to respond to my own heart and my clients’ evolving interests. And I have clarity I didn’t have before: [Read more]

Think differently about thorny problems

Good mediators and coaches know the power of a simple, elegant question, asked at the right time. Such questions can help unlock a conflict that’s been stuck, transform the impossible into the possible, and shine new light on problem-solving.

So I was intrigued when Chris Bailey tagged me in the Think Different Challenge, a meme working its way around the blogosphere. I rarely participate in memes because I find most of them aren’t relevant to what I write about here, but I think this one is relevant. [Read more]

Interpersonal conflict and the monkey mind trap

“Monkey mind” is the experience of jumping from thought to thought, like a monkey swinging from branch to branch, lured by yet another piece of fruit even while the piece in his hand is only partially eaten.

The Monkey Mind Habit

In interpersonal conflict, monkey mind is the numbing, confusing chatter in your mind every time you think about the difficult situation at home or work. Your mind jumps from thought to thought, analyzing this and that, worrying about what will happen, replaying who said what and how you reacted, until you find yourself overwhelmed and stuck. [Read more]

Keynoting on non-violent communication

What are you up to on International Women’s Day, Saturday, March 8?

I’ll be celebrating the annual, global event by keynoting the kickoff to Seacoast Women’s Week in Portsmouth, New Hampshire.

The kickoff event is a benefit for Womenaid Portsmouth, a non-profit providing short-term financial assistance to women and families in need of help. I’ve been invited to talk about Conflict with Compassion: Transforming Difficulty into Dialogue.

Find out more at Womenaid Portsmouth’s Seacoast Women’s Week.

Would love to see you there,

Copyright © 2008 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.

What’s your centering question?

What would love do now?

It’s the question I ask when I find myself lost in a difficult conversation, a conversation that seems to be getting more difficult by the moment, a conversation in which I’m reaching up for air but sinking further into the muck.

What would love do now?

It’s the question that I can grab and use to hoist myself up when I feel myself sinking.

What would love do now?

It’s not a question I ask out loud. It’s a question I ask quietly inside my head. [Read more]

Conflict zen and managing your hot buttons

Well, if I called the wrong number, why did you answer the phone? – James Thurber

Interpersonal conflict triggers

Conflict triggers are your “hot buttons,” the emotional responses set off by the words or actions of others during difficult conversations. While it’s a common expression to say, “He presses my buttons,” or “She’s baiting me,” your hot buttons say more about you than they do the other person.

You feel triggered during conflict when you perceive the other person’s words or actions as threatening to your identity in some way. [Read more]

Next Page »