This Is What Happens to People Who Live with Mediators

We bought a new stove last week. It has a lot of electronic bells and whistles. Our old stove, ca. 1974 (I know, I know), could never have dreamed of such gadgetry.

The old stove’s timer emitted a honking blast of noise that just kept going until one of us ran into the kitchen, hands over our ears, to turn it off. The new stove’s timer beeps in a pretty little way when the time is up. If we don’t go in and press the keypad, it’ll beep again in about a minute. Makes sense…wouldn’t want to burn the dog biscuits because we missed one beep. [Read more]

Bad Behavior in the Blogosphere: Speak Up with RespectPledge

Kathy Sierra and her awful experience has been on my mind again lately, after learning that a dear friend has been cruelly and anonymously (what cowardice) harassed via cyberspace.

So when I opened my most recent addition of ACResolution, a magazine for dispute resolution professionals like me, I was encouraged to see that a new website is now gathering voluntary commitments from web denizens who care about respectful and fair treatment of our fellow humans. [Read more]

What Are Your Conflict Triggers?

If conflict resolution approaches for “dealing with difficult people” worked, we wouldn’t be here, almost 25 years after the book of a similar name, still trying to find the right path through workplace conflict.

They don’t work because there’s a missing ingredient: You. Your own “conflict stuff.”

What irritates you isn’t necessarily what irritates me. And what presses my buttons might be something that doesn’t cause you a passing thought. That’s because your conflict triggers may be different than mine: We don’t all have the same triggers. [Read more]

Three Metaphors for Conflict

Years ago, I ran across material describing three different metaphors for conflict. I wish I could recall the source now (if you know it, please leave me a comment with the information and I’ll credit the source) because the third of those metaphors became a foundation for much of the way I work with folks in conflict situations, particularly in higher ed.

One of the metaphors is very common and the one that often gets people into entrenched situations. The second is currently popular yet has some challenges associated with it as well. The third, not without the limitations any metaphor has, is nevertheless particularly apropos for conflict in academe. [Read more]

Uses of Mediation in Higher Education

Mediation is a voluntary, private conversation in which a trained professional, serving impartially, helps people talk about their dispute and explore mutually acceptable solutions.

While many people tend to associate mediation with very entrenched conflict or with formal grievances or litigation, proactive institutions are beginning to understand that mediation can serve a purpose before disputes get entrenched and escalated. Here are a few ways I’ve assisted higher ed institutions over the past two decades, first as a dean, then as a mediator and consultant: [Read more]

Conflict Resolution Articles Vault for July 2007

The Conflict Resolution Articles Vault is a monthly feature that dips into the archives and shares still-relevant articles from one year ago:

Negotiating Strategically: How to Keep Your Eyes on the Prize: How to avoid one of the most frequent mistakes people make during negotiations.

Conflict Avoidance Reason 1: It Will Hurt the Relationship: The first in a 3-part series exploring reasons people avoid conflict. For the other two articles in the series, scroll to the links beneath the first article. [Read more]

Why I Don’t Recommend Ground Rules for Workplace Teams

I start every new term with a “mutual hopes and expectations” exercise for my new mediation grad students. I set aside time in the first class to ask what expectations they have of each other and of me. After giving them some “think time” to draft a short list, I ask them to share the most important expectations from their lists. We usually have a robust and informative discussion out of it.

I then share how we might all best engage the learning experience in my classroom. It’s an invitation, not a list of rules to live and learn by. I don’t use formal classroom ground rules because I have other tools for managing difficult classroom behaviors that arise, borrowed from my mediator’s toolbox. I also want to signal, from day one, that I expect the best from my students, and I believe ground rules imply that I expect problems. [Read more]

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