The Conflict Management Articles Vault for February 2007

The Conflict Management Articles Vault is a monthly feature that dips into the archives and shares still-relevant articles from one year ago:

Beware the Conflict Replay: Replaying a dispute in your mind can carry a high price.

Inhabit the Gap: Musings on the difference between what we know and what we do in conflict. [Read more]

Conflict in Workplace Teams Is Like a 4-Room Apartment

Swedish social psychologist Claes Janssen proposed a metaphor for understanding change in organizations. He called it the Four-Room Apartment. I think it’s an effective way to think about managing workplace conflict, too.

In Contentment, team members accept things the way they are. A conflict situation can move a group into Denial, where they know things aren’t working well but don’t take action to improve them. Left unattended, conflict moves a work group into Confusion, where anxiety is high and it’s unclear how to get out. With the right assistance, the group can ultimately move to Renewal, where the act of talking things out effectively leads to new ideas, new hope, and stronger teamwork.

The messiest and yet most promising room is Confusion. Handled well, the team’s future is bright. Mishandled, the team carries debris forward as it continues its ongoing cycles through the rooms.

How are you helping your workplace teams handle conflict effectively in the Confusion Room?

Copyright © 2007 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.

Organizational Change: How Pushing Creates Resistance

Imagine this:

You are leading a meeting for your organization and arrive early to set up the space. You take all the chairs and set them up classroom style, in rows facing the front of the room.

Participants arrive and take their seats. You walk to the back of the room, so you’re standing behind the participants.

You conduct the entire meeting this way. How well does it work? [Read more]

Resource for Divorcing Parents: Earthquake in Zipland

In 2005 I wrote a post on web resources for learning about and managing conflict. In Learning and Entertainment, I mentioned buzz about a new interactive game for children of separated and divorced parents. Last evening, I received a note from one of the game’s creators, letting me know that Earthquake in Zipland has now been released in final form with many upgrades and new features.

Designed for 7- to 13-year-old children, Earthquake in Zipland helps kids cope indirectly with the emotional issues that can arise from their parents’ split. Chaya Harash, one of the creators, says that, “Though Earthquake in Zipland looks like an ordinary computer game, it is really [Read more]

Remembering Names Creates Connection: How to Become Max

“Hi, Tammy! How’s Rod doing?” asked Max.

Five years ago, when we first moved to Dublin, NH, I stopped into our local convenience store, Carr’s, for gasoline and a soda. I’d been there only once before, about three weeks earlier on the day we moved to town. Rod had been with me and had been in a couple other times on his own. Max, the cheerful, welcoming guy at the register, greeted me as though he’d always known me. Not only did he remember me, he remembered my name and that Rod and I are a pair. Now that’s impressive.

I instantly felt welcomed and got that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you feel appreciated. It was then and there that I decided to become Max. Well, at least as far as name recall goes.

We tend to assume that engaging difficult conversations effectively means using a technique or skill during the difficult conversation itself. I think it’s more than that: How well a difficult conversation goes is determined in part by all the other little things that come before it ever happens. Like the connection we create when we do what Max did. Or the inadvertent gap we create when we have to keep asking for a customer’s or new colleague’s name.

Remembering names is learnable. Five years ago, I counted myself among the ranks of people who are chronically poor at recalling names. I did two simple things you can do too: (1) Decide to get good at it, and (2) Learn a few tricks to help. Here’s what I use to make name recall a reality: [Read more]

Conflict at Work: Making Peace with the Groan Zone

“Get me outta here!”

That’s the thought a lot of people have during workplace conflict. It’s the thought you have if you’re uncomfortable with conflict: I don’t like this. It’s messy. Maybe even painful. Get me outta here!

It’s the thought you have if you’re too comfortable with conflict: This is going nowhere good. I’m going to lose my temper. Get me outta here!

It’s the thought you have if your plate is overflowing and the thought of a time-consuming problem is too much: I don’t have time for this. Let me do it quickly and move on to more important matters. Get me outta here!

And it may even be the thought you have if you’re a manager and members of your team are stuck with a problem to which you can so quickly see the solution: I’m going to save them some time and energy. There’s no point in spinning our wheels. Let’s get outta here!

It’s understandable that you wouldn’t want to rest for long in an uneasy, messy place. Yet Get me outta here! is at the heart of why too many conflicts at work miss the gifts of the Groan Zone. [Read more]