I recently finished a stint co-teaching a basic mediation workshop I deliver about four times a year to people from many different backgrounds. In this most recent workshop, we had a social worker, several attorneys, a nurse practitioner, a teacher, a builder, two human resources directors, a college student, a human development trainer, and a long-retired World War II vet, among others. All were there because they had an interest in either becoming mediators or integrating dispute resolution skills into their professional work in some way.

On the first evening of the training, my co-trainer, Alice, and I, tell participants we really have just one rule: No advice giving. [Read more...]

I’m on my way to Philadelphia for the annual national conference of the Association for Conflict Resolution, where I’m presenting a workshop on practice-building for other mediators. I stopped by my big sister’s house on the first leg of my trip and we had one of those conversations that would make Rod’s head spin. Pressed for time before I had to hit the road again, we were talking fast and in layers, finishing each other’s sentences and overlapping sentences. It was great.

We talked briefly about my upcoming workshop and pondered why there’s a need for mediators to have a practice-building workshop. That lead to a conversation about the public’s lack of familiarity with mediation, confusion about the difference between mediation and arbitration, and the tendency for people to wait until they’re thinking “lawyer” to consider mediation. And then my sister added, “Half the people in a conflict don’t think they’re in a conflict and so would never think to hire a mediator.” [Read more...]

Today is Conflict Resolution Day, recognized internationally on the third Thursday in October.

What will you do in the spirit of the day? Here are some ideas: [Read more...]

Ultimately, the way to win an argument is to be clear about your definition of “win” and ensure that definition is consistent with your long-term goals. Ask yourself these questions:

1. How am I defining “win”?
2. Does that definition serve my long-term goals with this person?
3. Should I reconsider my definition to better meet my long-term goals?

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How to Win an Argument, Part 2 is coming. But I got sidetracked by the whole ship thing in How to Win an Argument, Part 1.

Rod and I had a wee tiff the other day. We got a little snarky with one another over…well, I can’t recall what it was over. That says something, doesn’t it? Hopefully not about premature senior moments.

Rod marched down to his office. I sat on the couch and stared out at the remnants of fall foliage in New Hampshire. I glanced down and saw our cat Kimball, also called Glenda, the Good Witch of the North. I decided to be Good Tammy.

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This transcript is from the radio conversation of a U.S. naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995:

Americans: “Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision.”

Canadians: “Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.”

Americans: “This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.” [Read more...]

Thanks to the graciousness of the amazing Yvonne DiVita, I had a chance to guest-blog for her today at Lip-Sticking: Smart Marketing to Women Online. If you have a moment, drop on by and read Working from Home: When Home and Work Collide. And while you’re there, particularly if you’re a small business owner and a woman, check out Yvonne’s wisdom and resources.

Have a lovely weekend,

When mom and dad have two different homes and the kids are moving between them, some exasperation is inevitable. It’s exactly that kind of exasperation that’s behind DK Simoneau’s new book, We’re Having a Tuesday.

Written, as DK says, as a “communication tool meant to help children and adults discuss the frustrations of the ongoing lifestyle change of shuffling between two homes,” it’s a book for children and meant to be read, at least the first time, with a parent. [Read more...]

I’ve been staring at this post for several hours, trying to decide whether or not to put it up for your reading. Since you’re seeing this, you know my decision.

I’ve been hesitating because the rawness of the most recent school shooting still hovers in the air. The horror and sadness are palpable, not just for those in Lancaster County, PA, but for a nation that’s beginning to comprehend that vengeance, bullying, and social dissaffection are having violent consequences beyond what we can ever control with school resource officers and metal detectors.

I’ve been hesitating because I know that what I wrote below will be uncomfortable for some of you. Maybe even make you angry. I don’t usually hesitate to speak my truth but find myself doing so this time, as I search for the right words to convey myself in a way that can reach your heart before resistance sets in.

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