Comments on: Zen and the art of dealing with insults http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/ conflict resolution tips for work and life Fri, 12 Mar 2010 14:57:18 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 By: Tammy Lenski http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-15879 Tammy Lenski Mon, 25 Jan 2010 11:45:12 +0000 http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-15879 Hi, Maria - I do what the master in the story did - I ignore the tactless, hurtful greeting. Here's why: 1 - The greeting says far more about the speaker than it does about me. It says they're tactless, or worse -- deliberately trying to hurt my feelings. 2 - People tend to do what works for them. If I "bite," and acknowledge their snide comment, then I'm them some kind of satisfaction and indirectly encourage them to continue with the habit. 3 - If I know in my heart that their snide greeting says much more about them than it does about me, then why bother to take even a second of my precious life to respond to it? It's my life and I get to decide how I spend it. Here's a tip for what to do instead of biting the nasty morsel they're offering you (hint: the tip doesn't just apply to marriages): <a href="http://conflictzen.com/secret-to-a-happy-marriage-the-shamu-maneuver/" rel="nofollow">The Shamu Maneuver</a> Hope that helps! Hi, Maria – I do what the master in the story did – I ignore the tactless, hurtful greeting. Here’s why:

1 – The greeting says far more about the speaker than it does about me. It says they’re tactless, or worse — deliberately trying to hurt my feelings.

2 – People tend to do what works for them. If I “bite,” and acknowledge their snide comment, then I’m them some kind of satisfaction and indirectly encourage them to continue with the habit.

3 – If I know in my heart that their snide greeting says much more about them than it does about me, then why bother to take even a second of my precious life to respond to it? It’s my life and I get to decide how I spend it.

Here’s a tip for what to do instead of biting the nasty morsel they’re offering you (hint: the tip doesn’t just apply to marriages):

The Shamu Maneuver

Hope that helps!

]]> By: Maria http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-15771 Maria Sat, 23 Jan 2010 15:41:29 +0000 http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-15771 How do you deal with the typical insulting greeting from the tactless like...Isn't that too tight for you? What happened to your face (for those with let's say a scar from an accident)? What dark eyebags you have! How do you deal with the typical insulting greeting from the tactless like…Isn’t that too tight for you? What happened to your face (for those with let’s say a scar from an accident)? What dark eyebags you have!

]]> By: Tammy Lenski http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-14679 Tammy Lenski Tue, 22 Dec 2009 19:20:56 +0000 http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-14679 Mary, it's impressive that you're able to do this -- and shows a good ability to manage your reactions the way you'd like and can feel good about later. It's a freeing thing to let go of insults that we can't and shouldn't own. Mary, it’s impressive that you’re able to do this — and shows a good ability to manage your reactions the way you’d like and can feel good about later. It’s a freeing thing to let go of insults that we can’t and shouldn’t own.

]]> By: Mary http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-14667 Mary Tue, 22 Dec 2009 03:39:04 +0000 http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-14667 I do just about the same as you. I try to give myself some time to reflect on the insult, and separate the truth from emotions. Then I reflect on the truths, and try to find the lesson. I feel so much better afterword-- I even feel a little grateful for the insult. If there is no truth in the insult, or it is based on something I cannot control or I do not wish to own, I let it go. I do just about the same as you. I try to give myself some time to reflect on the insult, and separate the truth from emotions. Then I reflect on the truths, and try to find the lesson. I feel so much better afterword– I even feel a little grateful for the insult. If there is no truth in the insult, or it is based on something I cannot control or I do not wish to own, I let it go.

]]> By: maxwell http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-11134 maxwell Sat, 19 Sep 2009 13:50:43 +0000 http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-11134 In my opinion, when someone insult you, take some time to analyze the way he or she is thinking about the insults he/she started. Once you know the direction of his/her mind towards you, you will know how deal with him.. it's quite easy to read others mind if you able to calm yourself down... In my opinion, when someone insult you, take some time to analyze the way he or she is thinking about the insults he/she started. Once you know the direction of his/her mind towards you, you will know how deal with him.. it’s quite easy to read others mind if you able to calm yourself down…

]]> By: Tammy Lenski http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-10715 Tammy Lenski Sun, 06 Sep 2009 19:48:15 +0000 http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-10715 Jason, thanks telling me my actions were admirable -- but they weren't mine! The Gift of Insults is a zen parable to teach the lesson of learning how to manage your own reactions in instances just like you described -- that's what I teach people to do and it is learnable. The point of the story was that what you choose to think about an insult influences your reaction -- that you have the power to choose what to believe, what to accept, and how to respond. Hope that helps! Jason, thanks telling me my actions were admirable — but they weren’t mine! The Gift of Insults is a zen parable to teach the lesson of learning how to manage your own reactions in instances just like you described — that’s what I teach people to do and it is learnable. The point of the story was that what you choose to think about an insult influences your reaction — that you have the power to choose what to believe, what to accept, and how to respond. Hope that helps!

]]> By: Jason http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-9616 Jason Wed, 19 Aug 2009 15:08:38 +0000 http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-9616 I think your example used here and your actions were very admirable. However, lets be practical: If this person has been hurling these verbal insults at you face to face you would not have been able to leave the room for 30 minutes and then return in a calm demanour. The problem with insults is that usually catch you by suprise in a crowded room with a number of onlookers and participants. The person hurling the insult is usually at ease in a public or social setting and thus has experience in disrupting your 'calmness'. Thus, I feel your example is limted as it it much easier to put some distance between you and the insulter via the world wide web than in person. What are your thoughts on this? Thanks Jason I think your example used here and your actions were very admirable.

However, lets be practical:

If this person has been hurling these verbal insults at you face to face you would not have been able to leave the room for 30 minutes and then return in a calm demanour.

The problem with insults is that usually catch you by suprise in a crowded room with a number of onlookers and participants.

The person hurling the insult is usually at ease in a public or social setting and thus has experience in disrupting your ‘calmness’.

Thus, I feel your example is limted as it it much easier to put some distance between you and the insulter via the world wide web than in person.

What are your thoughts on this?

Thanks
Jason

]]> By: Responding to constant criticism in 6 powerful steps | Conflict Zen http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-4432 Responding to constant criticism in 6 powerful steps | Conflict Zen Sat, 15 Nov 2008 11:43:14 +0000 http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-4432 [...] Decide to accept or reject. The receiver of feedback gets to choose whether or not any of it has enough merit to act on. The benefit of cooling off first is that you have a better chance of seeing any wise nuggets in the other person’s rampant criticism. And if there aren’t any, you get to reject the gift of insults. [...] [...] Decide to accept or reject. The receiver of feedback gets to choose whether or not any of it has enough merit to act on. The benefit of cooling off first is that you have a better chance of seeing any wise nuggets in the other person’s rampant criticism. And if there aren’t any, you get to reject the gift of insults. [...]

]]> By: Tammy Lenski http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-921 Tammy Lenski Thu, 17 Jul 2008 11:14:21 +0000 http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-921 Kathy, thanks for attending my workshop and helping make it fun and interesting -- it was a dynamic audience to work with! Kathy, thanks for attending my workshop and helping make it fun and interesting — it was a dynamic audience to work with!

]]> By: Kathy Salvucci http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-911 Kathy Salvucci Wed, 16 Jul 2008 21:16:33 +0000 http://conflictzen.com/zen-and-the-art-of-dealing-with-insults/#comment-911 I attended your lecture at the Womens Leadership Conference back in June and immediately signed up for your e-mail notices (I enjoyed the limited time at the conference - could have been there all day) I have enjoyed your material and found it helpful lately with both personal and work issues that I have faced recently... bottom line to take a deep breath and face your fears is a clear message and each day I find your links to be helpful in facing my fears and dealing with issues Thank you... I attended your lecture at the Womens Leadership Conference back in June and immediately signed up for your e-mail notices (I enjoyed the limited time at the conference – could have been there all day) I have enjoyed your material and found it helpful lately with both personal and work issues that I have faced recently… bottom line to take a deep breath and face your fears is a clear message and each day I find your links to be helpful in facing my fears and dealing with issues

Thank you…

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