Why conflict zen?

Why “conflict zen”?
Is this a site about Zen practice?
Do I have to practice Zen to learn your approach?
Who is Conflict Zen for?
Why did you switch blogs?
Why is an origami crane your logo?
Who designed your crane logo?

Why “conflict zen”?

I wanted to juxtapose two ideas that initially don’t seem connected, but then inspire deeper consideration. And, from my years as a mediator, conflict resolution coach, trainer and professor, I’ve come to believe that what many people really want during conflict is the kind of centered, balanced and intentional reaction that Zen practices teach.

Is this a site about Zen practice?

No. But it is inspired by the Zen ideas of simplicity, beginner’s mind, and staying present as paths to changing one’s reaction in conflict situations. I’m turned off by the prescriptive, “fix the other person” nature of too many conflict resolution approaches…a “dealing with difficult people” approach may feel good to the ego but it’s not very effective in the long run. I’m drawn to Zen’s anti-prescriptive nature and the way key principles can transform a conflict.

Do I have to know about or practice Zen to learn your approach?

Not at all. Few of my clients are Zen practitioners. It’s not about the practice of Zen, it’s about the borrowing of a few ideas that really resonate with people who want to get more courageous, get less aggressive or otherwise change the way they react to conflict.

Who is Conflict Zen for?

This site is for anyone who would like to learn better strategies for keeping their balance during conflict at work or home. If you avoid conflict because it’s uncomfortable or you worry confronting a problem will damage the relationship, this site is for you. If you find yourself frequently in difficult conversations because you’re drawn to conflict like a moth to flame, this site is for you. If you want to reduce the stress of conflict in your home or work life, this site is for you. And if you’re charged with helping others do conflict better, this site is also for you.

Why did you switch blogs?

I first began conflict resolution blogging in 2002 and the focus of my articles was general conflict resolution tips and strategies. A decade into my private conflict resolution practice, I find myself with a healthy business that gives me the financial latitude to change what I’m doing in order to respond to my own heart and my clients’ evolving interests.

And I have clarity I didn’t have before: I have something to offer that’s uniquely me, and speaks to my changing interests and seasoned experiences. I know how to help people really learn, choose and adopt new behaviors that serve you better in conflict. And I know how to address more than just disputes in families and organizations (a mediator’s usual fare)…I know how to work with disputes that have evolved into states of conflict. I closed down my old blog and started ConflictZen.com to signal my shift in writing from general to inspiring you to manage the only thing you really can manage during conflict: yourself. When you change how you dance with your partner, you change the dance.

Why an origami crane as your logo?

The crane symbolizes peace in Japanese, Chinese and Korean traditions. The crane also symbolizes lasting relationships because it devotes itself to one partner for life and both cranes build the nest and care for their young.

In Japan, tradition holds that anyone with the commitment and patience to fold 1,000 paper cranes will be granted their most desired wish. In the 1950s the idea gained worldwide fame from the story of Sadako Sasaki, who was two when the atomic bomb exploded one mile from her home in Hiroshima. Sadako later developed leukemia from the exposure to radiation and was inspired by the legend to fold 1,000 cranes and see granted her wish for world peace. When Sadako died at age 12, she was buried with 1,000 cranes and, to this day, folded white origami cranes are placed at memorials as symbols of peace. A statue of Sadako holding a golden crane now stands at the Hiroshima Peace Memorial, crafted with funds gathered by Sadako’s friends and classmates in memory of all the children who died because of the bomb. The plaque reads, This is our cry. This is our prayer. Peace in the world.

I chose the origami crane as my logo because I wanted to associate with its symbol of peace, long life, patience and commitment, as well create a connection to the Asian cultures from which Zen practice emanates.

Who designed your crane logo?

I’ve had the good fortune to work with several excellent graphic designers over the years. My crane logo was created by David Airey, who lives in Edinburgh, Scotland. Kathy Sikule of Brownstone Graphics in Albany, New York designed the cover of my book, Making Mediation Your Day Job.