7 phrases you can’t say in conflict resolution

What if George Carlin had been a mediator instead of a comedian?

I’d like to think he’d have challenged some of the conventions and sacred cows of the conflict resolution world, just like he pushed the envelope with the media.

So I’ll do it instead, though admittedly no George Carlin. While there’s no FCC monitor to bleep you if you utter them, these phrases are dirty words in my lexicon and when I hear them, particularly the first one, I cringe inwardly (and sometimes outwardly).

Phrases like these are traps and black holes for engaging conflict effectively. They complexify conflict even while they purport to simplify it. And they may be giving mediators, mediation and conflict coaches a bad name. [Read more]

3 simple tricks to calm down during disagreements

It’s funny how frequently people introduce me as an anger management specialist. It used to puzzle me, because I didn’t think of myself that way.

But I get it now: When I help you express disagreement and negotiate more effectively, I’m also helping you manage your emotional state better.

Here, then, are my three simplest tricks for calming down during disagreements at work or home. I use them myself and for helping others manage their anger, whether I’m helping from the mediator’s chair, the coach’s chair, or the organizational consultant’s chair: [Read more]