Remembering Names Creates Connection: How to Become Max

“Hi, Tammy! How’s Rod doing?” asked Max.

Five years ago, when we first moved to Dublin, NH, I stopped into our local convenience store, Carr’s, for gasoline and a soda. I’d been there only once before, about three weeks earlier on the day we moved to town. Rod had been with me and had been in a couple other times on his own. Max, the cheerful, welcoming guy at the register, greeted me as though he’d always known me. Not only did he remember me, he remembered my name and that Rod and I are a pair. Now that’s impressive.

I instantly felt welcomed and got that warm, fuzzy feeling you get when you feel appreciated. It was then and there that I decided to become Max. Well, at least as far as name recall goes.

We tend to assume that engaging difficult conversations effectively means using a technique or skill during the difficult conversation itself. I think it’s more than that: How well a difficult conversation goes is determined in part by all the other little things that come before it ever happens. Like the connection we create when we do what Max did. Or the inadvertent gap we create when we have to keep asking for a customer’s or new colleague’s name.

Remembering names is learnable. Five years ago, I counted myself among the ranks of people who are chronically poor at recalling names. I did two simple things you can do too: (1) Decide to get good at it, and (2) Learn a few tricks to help. Here’s what I use to make name recall a reality:

Pay attention. When I meet someone new these days, I fully focus my attention for the few seconds it takes to really register their name. I used to hear the name but was thinking already of the next person about to be introduced.

Say the person’s name back to them. Instead of “It’s good to meet you” and a handshake, try “It’s good to meet you, Bob.” Say the name one more time to yourself. This works as people introduce themselves in a meeting, too.

Draw a diagram with each person’s name. If you’re with a group you don’t see very often or have never met, begin by drawing a schematic of the conference table (or room) from the perspective of your own seat or location. Write each person’s name in the spot where they’re sitting. Put your diagram somewhere easily visible to you and glance at it often to remind you.

Use a memory device. While this doesn’t particularly work for me, others swear by it and a few people have made themselves famous with their name recall using this approach. Connect something physical about the person with their name. “Carol has red hair, so I’ll think of her as Christmas Carol.” “Raven has such a lovely voice, like a birdsong.” “Bob’s head bounces up and down when he speaks…kind of bobs up and down.”

Have a friendly competition. When I co-train with my colleague Alice, we have a friendly little contest (more for ourselves than for winning) about which of us has the participants names fully memorized by the first 3-hour workshop. Almost every time, we both do, and when we don’t we help each other out as we sit with our glass of coffee or wine later: “Jeree…she was sitting at about 10:00, brunette, talked about her social work background, remember?”

Get photos up on your company website. If you have a lot of telecommuters who communicate via corporate intranet, discussion board, or wiki, see if your system can accommodate a small headshot next to names.

What other tips help you successfully recall people’s names?

Copyright © 2007 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.