Long-Distance Relationship Communication: What’s the Real Conversation You Want?
A visitor to Conflict Zen has asked me what he or she might say to comfort a girlfriend who lives two states away. From the note, it sounds like there’s some light tension about the lack of in-person time together.
That brought me back to my college years, when my boyfriend took his junior year abroad in what was still the USSR. Not only were phone calls out of the question, but every letter I received had large chunks blacked out by Soviet censors. Talk about a communications challenge!
This is my reply for the visitor who left the question: Direct person that I am, I suggest you be both kind and direct with your partner. For instance, if she’s repeatedly asking you to visit when your school schedule isn’t permitting, then you might wonder, in a loving way, why she continues to make the request when you’ve explained that you can’t visit her right now. Don’t say it as a challenge, but out of real, loving curiosity.
If you sense that there’s an underlying concern that she hasn’t said out loud, ask if there’s something on her mind. Is she thinking you could visit if you really wanted to? Is she feeling that you have more control of your schedule than you feel you do? Essentially, try to get at whatever’s beneath the things you’re each saying…the real conversation is probably there.
Hope this helps,
Copyright © 2006 by Tammy Lenski. All rights reserved.
A few more posts on this topic:
