“Responsibility does not only lie with the leaders of our countries or with those who have been appointed or elected to do a particular job. It lies with each of us individually. Peace, for example, starts within each one of us. When we have inner peace, we can be at peace with those around us.” – His Holiness the Dalai Lama
This Thursday, October 16, is Conflict Resolution Day, an international celebration held annually to celebrate conflict resolution processes that empower individuals, families, villages, communities, organizations, businesses, and nations to foster communication and collaborative responses to conflict.
To honor this year’s event, I’m inviting you to bring peacemaking down to the individual level and make a commitment to do one simple thing of your own choosing. One thing that starts peacemaking with you. One thing that’s a specific behavior or action…not just a dream or a hope or a grand plan. One simple, concrete thing.
Here’s my one thing: For one week I will stop myself from verbalizing all criticism. I will bite my tongue, keep it to myself, let it go, move on. And I’ll report back here what the experience was like and where it fits into the scope of simple habits for effective conflict resolution.
I invited my Twitter pals to share the one thing they’d commit to doing in honor of Conflict Resolution Day. Here are some theirs commitments and ideas:
- jhofheins: I will try to see the other person’s point of view and say “I’m sorry” first.
- pstanoch: Be open-minded and listen to the other person’s point of view.
- deafmom: Empathize. Often when we put ourselves in another’s shoes, we can work out conflicts.
- roberthruzek: Stop, breathe and relax.
- married: Offer to let go of your side of a conflict, freeing you to look for an option that gives both of you whatever it is you want.
- Starbucker: Remember there’s a human on the other side of the table, not an adversary.
- juliepower: Try to get more sleep. Most people are less likely to pick a fight after a good night’s sleep.
- fuzznfeathers: 1. Listen 2. Give others the benefit of the doubt.
- barbaraling: Drop your ego and listen from the heart.
- janoss: Remind those involved that “someone has to be the adult, and if it’s not the other person, it had better be you.
What one thing will you do?
Conflict Zen by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConflictZen.com.
Be curious and ask questions about the passion and deeply felt conviction of the ‘other point of view.’
Ask the other person (people), ‘What is it you need me to understand?” and then listen to what they are saying and what needs or values lie behind their words.
Melanie, as you well know, curiosity and questions are two of the most important things to do. Simple, hard, powerful.
Leona, great question to ask, especially in tandem with the kind of listening you describe.
Thanks for your commitments.
This is sort of like some others.
I’ll commit for at least one week to ask other people’s perspective more and to state mine less.
Thanks for the notice about this day.
Guy, thanks for making that commitment. I look forward to reading on your blog what happens with it!