Have you seen the new King Kong? Did you sit there and think, This is ridiculous! Why am I even watching this? Everyone knows there’s no such thing as a gorilla that size.
I doubt it.
If you did, perhaps the person next to you gave you extra popcorn to keep your outraged sighs and snorts to a minimum. Instead, you probably suspended your disbelief. You can and should do this during conflict, too.
Rebecca Shafir, a speech/language pathologist and author of The Zen of Listening, coined the phrase “get into their movie.” Says Shafir, “In real life, speakers often invite us to get into their movies with comments like, ‘Do you see it my way?’ or ‘Put yourself in my place.’ If we approach a listening opportunity with the same self-abandonment as we do at the movies, think of how much more we stand to gain from those encounters.”
Next time you’re in a disagreement with someone, try to suspend your disbelief for a few minutes. You don’t have to agree with that other perspective, but getting into their movie will help you unlock whatever the dispute is about. You’ll gain some new insight – I guarantee it.
Conflict Zen by Tammy Lenski is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License. Based on a work at ConflictZen.com.
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