Certainty in the Asparagus Patch
May 16, 2006 · Print This Article
You just never know how your articles will be put to use. I certainly could never have imagined that one of mine would be used in an asparagus patch!
A while ago, I wrote a little post, Beware the Conflict Replay, in which I cautioned against creating certainty about “what really happened” by replaying disputes over and over in your mind.
Yesterday, I received this note from one of my readers, Phoebe: “Hi Tammy, I was thinking about you as Bob and I were working in the asparagus patch yesterday. I said I remembered that when we first did that, we had a big argument about how to do it. And he said, no we didn’t. Then he said, I am certain that we didn’t, and I replied, I am certain that we did…We were laughing the whole time. That’s all related to the article you wrote a while ago about certainty…we use it a lot to diffuse and or to just have fun!”
It made me smile to read that. I’m certain I enjoy hearing how you’re using some of my ideas and writing in day to day life!
It’s easy for me to give up my certainty and say “I love you.” to a friend. Sometimes it’s not so easy for my friend to do the same. That makes it hard after a while because then I become the one who is always “wrong.”
Great point, Liz. It’s this kind of thing that makes conflict such a complex art…we can break the tension of the present moment and then also sometimes need to have a separate conversation later with the folks we care about. Hard work but usually worth it.
I smile as I read your respons, Tammy. Hard work is the operative phrase. No doubt about that.