Thanks for coming by!

I agree completely. I can see that we might feel some base level perfomance anxiety stress. However, if we feel a high degreee of stress, it’s probably about us and not the client.

I am reminded of one concept I learned awhile ago that goes like this: “Stress is often caused by the perception of threat.”

If this concept is true (and I think it usually is) then stress often comes from how we perceive the situation. So, if we feel a high degree of stress, then we are probably perceiving a personal threat. Therefore, we are thinking too much about ourselves and not enough about the needs of the parties involved in the dispute.

Good post. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Robert – That’s so funny! I certainly don’t recall a look of recoiling or horror on your face, so you hid it well . Glad to know I’m sounding a bit more like a normal person to you now! Thanks for hosting the project and naming a great topic to muse and write about.

I recall very clearly that one of the things I thought when I first met you and discovered your calling was something along the lines of, “Wow, this lady is totally whacked out!”

But upon reflection, my amazement turned to admiration for the role you play. I love what you say here about stress: that it’s a sign that it suddenly “about me” when it shouldn’t be. Very insightful.

Thanks for joining us for this month’s What I Learned From Stress project, Tammy! Hope to see you next time, too!

Cheers!

My response to her: “Actually, my job isn’t stressful at all. If this case settles or doesn’t settle, I will go home and sleep well knowing I did my best today. You, on the other hand, will likely have to come back here once or twice more before the case is heard by a judge. Every day, you will probably think about this case and how wronged you feel. And if the judge doesn’t give you the answer you want to hear, you’ll be resentful for a long time. Are you sure that’s what you want? Wouldn’t it be better to settle this case today so you can move on with your life?”

That case didn’t settle that day, but I’ve used the story in subsequent mediations that have helped lead to settlements.

The conflict is not mine nor should it be. I do my best to help them get it to resolve. Not every dispute has an immediate resolution (witness the middle east). But even without a resolution, I’ve helped the parties move closer to one.

Your questions made me realize there’s something I didn’t say out loud in my article, so thanks for giving me an opportunity to now: I don’t consider all stress to be something to manage or avoid.

I think some stress is healthy, because it’s a way to alert me. It’s the eat-at-your-core stress that I allow to pass through and away from me in my work by choosing consciously not to carry others’ conflict home with me.

Why do I ask? Well, if my theory is true, theory being you WERE more stressed, then you have figured out a way to “deal” with the stresses of your job. If that be the case, how ARE you dealing with those stresses? Maybe not just in your job, but with everyday LIFE stresses.

Dealing with stress is something that I’m struggling with personally.

Thanks,
Scott